One of the most uncomfortable things to deal with in life is death.
The feeling of grief is fucking suffocating.
Your world goes black.
The air gets thick.
Your heart aches.
You can’t sleep.
The longing you feel inside is indescribable.
I don’t know many who can handle it well.
We hold back.
We shut out the world.
We don’t want others to see the sadness behind our eyes.
So, we soldier on and act like we are ok.
Look around you… this is how we all have gotten to screwed up as a collective.
I was gifted with a message from a client, whom I haven’t even met yet, stating that she was told to tell me that I have a lot of hurt buried deep down right now, that I am holding onto it, and it’s not good. It’s likely causing the burning and pain in my chest. She had no clue how right she was, or how bad I’ve been hurting. God bless this gal for having the courage to reach out to me… because I needed the kick in the ass, and she had no clue what I had going on.
When a long-time friend lost his battle with depression 2 weeks ago, I fell apart.
I struggled to go back to the gym because we worked there together.
Simply getting out of bed and walking about my home is painful because he was everywhere here.
The memories of the work we did together and the things he taught me.
My entire home was redone by him.
When I reached out to him for help for a loved one, he was there for us.
When I heard the news he was gone, I crumbled under the weight of it.
I know I am strong, but this manner of death is harder to grieve sometimes.
Knowing my beautiful client was right, I sat and asked Spirit how to heal this.
How do I not shut down when everywhere I look is a memory that makes me feel unstable because I want to cry?
How do I face my fear of an uncontrolled break down in public?
Spirit communicates with me in strange ways.
They showed me my life after my friend took her own life when I was 16 and how it was shortly after that my strange spiritual things started happening. The pain was so hard to handle, I drank and used drugs because I had no way of coping.
And now with this one, I see what I did wrong back then. I struggled with grief because of some stupid thing some stupid person said to me… “Get over it”. I was never the same after that and stuffed every iota of pain I ever had in my life.
2 weeks ago my life turned again, and all of that pain was brought up with all the memories and it was a chance for me to handle it differently. But I had to ask Spirit for help (and my soul-sisters). The realization that I have never allowed myself to grieve was eye opening to say the least.
When I asked what to do, Spirit stated to me “Be sad”.
I was confused.
“Let yourself be sad, because it’s all that you have left”.
“You struggle to breathe, it’s the only way you’ll catch your breath”.
Your lungs are related to grief, so, sadly, it made way more sense than I wanted to accept.
When you lose someone you care about, you go numb.
It’s hard to carry on.
But we have to.
But let yourself be sad.
The sadness is all the love you once felt that suddenly doesn’t know where to go.
Life can change and things happen so fast.
Some things sting a little… others will knock you on your ass.
If you are going through something, its ok.
Let yourself be sad for a little while.
You don’t need to avoid it or fix it. Honor it instead.
There’s deep healing in it… if you allow it.
Becky Costello, Psychic Medium
Dancing Elk Shamanic Healing
**If you or someone you know is suicidal, please do not hesitate to ask for help.
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255