Is It Hurtful or Hateful?

Lately a quote from childhood has been circling around in my squirrel brain.

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me”.

This happened after some conversations that left me fuming and deeply saddened due to miscommunication.

If you take this quote in for a moment, do you see the depth of meaning within it?

Right now, life seems to be a bunch of butt-hurt people flipping out about shit that shouldn’t matter. The world has weaponized words, twisting and contorting them to fit some effed-up narrative. And everyone is falling into their trap… and I want to slap the shit out of them... myself included.

I’m gonna break it to you, but not gently.

Words cannot harm you. Read that quote above again… because it’s true.

That knowledge didn’t sit well with me at first, having been a perceived victim of the harsh words of others.

Words carry definition, but they alone CANNOT cause hurt.

If your undies just went a little further up your butt here, good.

Why do we let words hurt us?

I listened to a lecture given by a Navajo Elder once. He said being hurt by words is the work of the evil one. What he was saying is that if you are hurt by the words, it is YOUR mind weaponizing them. He also said that where there is hurt, there is truth. Meaning, something inside those words rings true for you deep within yourself, and you likely don’t want to see it.

The evil one operates by hijacking your mind. Hell isn’t a place you go when you die if you’ve been a big jerk. It’s a place created within our own selves. The evil one knows your traumas, insecurities and perceived lack. So, it sneaks in, seeing an easy target, twists things and gives meaning to something that will feed its narrative… it feeds off your pain and fear. And what is scarier is that the way it twists them makes it look acceptable, and suddenly, words people speak in truth become a trigger and results in exactly what that darkness needs to survive. Yep… YOU just fed the darkness. And each and every one of us do this every day!! Next thing you know, the person trying to communicate shuts down, his or her intention only being to share their feelings but now they are made out to be the bad guy.

What is hurt and anger?

Hurt is the sensation that arises due to a perceived loss of love or value… PERCEIVED loss of love or value.

Anger is the sensation that occurs in response to a perceived boundary violation where a loss of power or control occurs. But here’s the funny thing… anger is not a primary emotion; it’s a secondary one. It steps up to protect something more vulnerable.

Fun fact:

The English word Anger derives from the Old Norse word Angr… which means “grief or sorrow”.

Anger steps in to hide sadness, sorrow or grief that resulted from a perceived loss of love or value, of yourself or another.

Do you know the difference between hurt and hate?

Remember, hurt is the result of a perceived loss of love or value. But hate is the intention to inflict hurt upon another by humiliating them or diminishing them. It is an abuse of power. But the key word here is that there was the INTENTION to hurt.

I want you to look at something for me.

Do you get hurt by the words others speak?  Be honest.

First off, you need to ask yourself if this person actually intended to humiliate you or make you feel less than. If you do not know, ask them! 99% of the time they do not intend to hurt you. Yes, there are some asshats out there that do. Those are the people who need a swift kick. But as for the others who speak words that "hurt"? They are simply reacting. You won’t like my advice…

Check yourself first because they are not the problem… your perception is.

I will say it again… words themselves cannot hurt you, so you quite literally are the one (with the help of the evil one) who twisted it to become something it couldn’t be without the help of your brain. So, you need to figure out where this hurt is coming from within YOU.

What is a trigger?

A trigger is a pattern of unresolved emotion within a specific frame of reference or context. If it’s unresolved, we are responsible for fixing it instead of blaming others for the fracture.

How many of you have felt you couldn’t share the words you needed to because you feared how someone else would take it? You feared how they would feel?

A wise doctor I once worked with told me you can say the exact same thing to 12 people, and you will get 12 different perceptions/interpretations of what was said. That is absolute truth!

My entire life I have censored my words because I was blamed for how others felt hearing them. And being an empath, you feel their pain and feel responsible for it. It resulted in my not being able to open up to anyone, and it damaged relationships I had because they needed that openness.

Words do not hurt.

Your perception of them through the lens of your unresolved emotions does.

With love,

Rebecca Costello Psychic Medium

www.rebeccacostello.com