Corners, Fences, Boxes and Coyotes

On Monday, a friend and I went down to the Pipestone area to commune with a medicine man and walk his property. Oh how I loved this guy. He reminded me of my father-in-law and also of my dad. He was humble and yet he had a funny way of telling jokes. He was a storyteller, and I loved to simply listen. His property was beautiful, sprawling hills as far as the eyes could see. He opened his land over the years for strangers to commune with God/Source Creator. People healed here.

Much of his property had makeshift fences… consisting simply of barbed wire and some metal posts. They did not obscure the view of the vastness. Yet the makeshift fence kept you from falling over a steep edge that was hard to see in some areas.

Yesterday I went to visit the horses. Being the weather sucked, I was inside observing instead of experiencing them directly. My favorite gray horse was hanging out in the corners again. So, thus began a conversation about corners, fences, boxes and what it means to be present.

What is a corner? If you look it up, it tells you several things…

It is a place where 2 things intersect.

A part, region or area that is regarded as secluded.

A place or situation that you are forced into, that is hard to escape.

To control something by dominating the supply of a particular thing.

From an intuitive or spiritual perspective, it symbolizes strength, stability, and transition. Think of the phrase “turning a corner”.

Yet, in Feng Sui, it is an area where energy can collect and stagnate. When you do space clearing, extra emphasis is placed on the corners.

From a safety component, if a bad guy comes strolling in, the last place you want to be is a corner because you can’t get out.

Also, a corner’s stability is directly related to its foundation, and the two intersecting points must come together just so, in order to maintain the stability or strength of it.

And here was my favorite horse standing in the corner, behind a pile of shit again, staring off into the distance. I wondered what she was thinking about as she seemed to be daydreaming.

Questions popped up:

What is the difference between experiencing something and simply observing it?

To experience is to be a part of an interaction. To observe it is simply to see it occur, but it is “out there” instead of “in here”.

Do you find safety hiding behind other people’s shit?

This one stung a bit. Yep. I tend to focus on other people and find safety in helping them find their shit, and in the process wear myself down so I don’t have the energy to heal mine.

Does fear help you to be present, in the “here and now”?

I felt it can pop you out of your body or it can pull you deeply into the moment by grounding you, but it depends on the situation, and whether you were experiencing or observing.

What is presence (ability to be in the here and now) versus presents (gifts) versus presents (as in to show or tell)? And how do these words intersect?

To be present in the here and now is a gift and it is hard for me unless I am working. And sadly, I feel that is how it is for many. No one really ever taught us the importance of being able to be here in the now moment. Some people with trauma cannot be in the moment as they are not in their bodies.

What is the difference between a fence and a box?

A fence you can see through most of the time, it can form intersections/corners. A box is a containment unit used to conceal something or store something for later.

And what about boxing (to strike) and boxing things up to contain them?

Sadly, when I get angry, my inclination is to want to pummel the daylights out of you and that was a part of myself I was ashamed of, and I realized I became the one who was boxing up those wild and free parts of myself due to being judged by others. And yet, the act of being judged triggered the anger I was trying to put away. (ADHD people often suffer with something called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria -RSD).

Is the fence keeping the world out, or is it keeping me in?

This is an interesting question, and I cannot answer it yet. I feel it may be both, but I am notorious for deluding myself for a while until I can put all the pieces together.

Fences:

Generally, you can see through them. They mark a boundary. They form corners. They keep shit out but also keep things in. They can help keep you safe.  

Boxes:

Generally, you cannot see through them. The stronger the corners, the stronger the box. Used for containment or to put things away/into hiding.

I frequently ask my clients this question during our life coaching sessions:

“If I were to drop you off in an unfamiliar place, would you rather be dropped off in a wide open area or an area where there were fences?”

Yesterday I asked myself this question.

When I was a youngster, the answer would have been to drop me off in the wild vastness. However, today I would say to drop me in the middle of the fenced in area. I had never really contemplated that before. And I investigated, curious as to why the change.

What I came to realize unnerved me a little.

I chose the fence, because I could still see through it, but the boundary was defined. The defined boundary made me feel safe. Today, the vastness scares me. But the reason for that was equally disturbing.

I was a difficult child. I was not easily controlled, so I became controlled through criticism and rejection. Even in my teens and 20’s, that is what my reality became. In my 30’s, more of the same, but now I had a child I was responsible for.

Suddenly I realized I had changed.

I went from being wild and free to comfortable in a fence… and then I realized I put myself into a fucking box. I literally packed up the wild parts of myself and put them in a box… to contain them, to hide them… just so I would be accepted… instead of rejected.

Damn, was that an eye opener.  

Perhaps you know what a Heyoka is. They are the “sacred clowns” to many Indigenous cultures. They create healing via chaos. Their lives are backwards. I think I should apologize to my parents, but I was born this way.

Most gifts start inside a box.

Not mine. I went from being wild and free to putting myself in a box and now I am having to unbox myself… and I need to see the gift in that.

And the funniest thing of it all is that this wonderful medicine man gave me a gift before we left Monday. He gave me a Coyote Skull. Now, if you know anything about Heyokas, they carry Coyote medicine. Coyotes are known for the chaos they bring.

Oh, Coyote is a slick teacher, but not in a straightforward way. It is trickster medicine.

Coyote is the mirror that shows us our shadow and makes us laugh at the same time.

To quote my friend Robert, “Coyote is about waking people from their slumber; shocking them if that is what is necessary to get them to open their eyes.  Coyote often talks either backwards or in riddles.  Coyote Medicine is about stopping people from acting out of habit.  All too often we follow tradition to the point where it loses meaning and significance.  According to Coyote nothing is sacred and all things are sacred; all teachings are inherently wrong and inherently right”.

Coyote is one of the totems the Heyoka (the sacred clown) often carries.  Many benefit from Coyote’s teachings but there usually is price one pays to play (in a game they never wanted to be in).

They challenge concepts. Healing is often backwards. Wisdom is gained through trials and tribulations. The deepest wisdom comes from the deepest of pain. He told my friend he gave me this Coyote Skull because I was too serious. I went from being annoying and irresponsible to too serious and I find that funny!!

And to think my dad’s nickname for me is “clown” to this very day. He doesn’t even call me by name anymore!

I don’t laugh like I used to.

But a good chunk of the way home that day, I laughed so hard I was in tears just because my friend was so silly. Imagine seeing 50 year olds playing air drums and having an inside joke about wizard sleeves (still laughing Beth!).

And it was freeing…and it caused me shortness of breath!

This is the medicine of Coyote. It is the medicine of duality. The integration of opposing things. And the disintegration of similar things.

I put myself in a box to contain the wild self, and I find safety in fences hiding behind other people’s shit. Oof.

Time to burn the cardboard… because I like fire!

OHHH!!!

Last call reminder about the fire gathering this Saturday! outskirts of Northfield... 6-8pm.

There are just a few spots left.

Join my friend Steph and I for some cider, pumpkin and some chat about where Halloween came from and how to clear space the right way.

For more info visit

https://www.rebeccacostello.com/product-page/fire-circle-salt-sage-and-samhain

with love,

Rebecca Costello, psychic medium

www.rebeccacostello.com