Saved

I hesitated in writing this post.

It’s deeply personal and deeply Spiritual in a way many may judge.

I still have insecurities around being judged.

But it changed me in a way I cannot even explain.

It wasn’t just a little thing. It was as profound as anything I have ever experienced in my life thus far.

There comes a moment when the soul breaks.

It doesn’t break because it is weak, but because of the weight of becoming True.

As your spirit grows, the illusion of who you thought you were or who you had to be, shatters.

You feel what you silenced.

You see what you feared.

This is why most people numb themselves or practice avoiding it at all costs.

The purpose of this suffering is to bring it all into the light and dissolve the “you” that had been. The “you” dissolves into the Light of the Creator.

Sometimes this happens so swiftly and powerfully, it will make your head spin.

Several months ago, I felt the change within me begin.

It’s strange when you are experiencing it and observing it at the same time.

After a breakup with a friend, I began seeking a deeper connection with Source/God, because my heart hurt and I was sick of it. In that journey, it meant facing certain fears. I got sick of being afraid of crowds, afraid of being judged… so what do I do? Go to a gala where there are nearly 300 people. Oh… and my husband and I are a part of the presentation, and I am seated right smack in the front of the entire crowd.

I am sitting at a table of strangers. Kind and wonderful people, but when you feel vulnerable and the walls are closing in, vulnerability becomes enemy numero uno.

For me, panic presents as intense emotion and tears. So, in front of 300 people I felt incredibly vulnerable and unsafe. I preceded to have a panic attack and bolted outside before anyone could see those tears. I nearly knocked over a security guard who wasn’t moving fast enough.

My poor husband had no idea what happened or where I went and after 30 minutes he, too, had to get up in front of 300 people and walk out the door to find me.

When he found me, my eyes were closed, hands folded in my lap and I was praying.

Praying to God to help me.

Praying to God to save me because a panic attack feels like you are gonna die.

My husband, a former cop, knows that you need to “get someone off the X” when you are full on freaking out. So, he got behind the wheel of the car and we left the event. Phone calls came in within minutes. The shame and guilt I felt for not having my shit together surmounted anything I had ever felt before.

I couldn’t eat.

I could barely even drink.

And yet I went to work the next morning as if I was “ok”. Man, do I hate that word.

And the morning after that, the same.

Mondays are usually my day off. And that day off something shifted in a way I cannot fully explain. I felt “something” fall over me. It went through my entire body. And it was as if someone stuck something in my heart-space and blew out whatever emotional crap was in there.

All the trauma I have experienced in life- GONE.

All the sorrow I felt- GONE.

All the anger I held- GONE.

I am not kidding. All of it suddenly disappeared. GONE!!!

I cried for days... not sadness, not joy… simply tears. I was incredibly overwhelmed by what had occurred. I questioned if I was losing my mind. But I knew I wasn’t. I knew it was God/the Creator that did it.

A few more days went by, and I was told to send a song to the friend I had broken up with nearly a year earlier. It created a bridge to healing that neither of us saw coming.

This friend sent me a video a few days later… and that video was literally the answer to my prayers. From this video, a massive transformation occurred (again, another moment of that sweeping powerful energy, and tears without origin). She gave me the key that allowed me to finally open the door.

This changed me to my core.

It changed how I communicate with others.

It changed my relationships with those I love and who love me.

It changed how I work.

But I couldn’t understand what happened to me… until Sunday.

I was talking to a client who was struggling. I just go with the flow of things as I usually do and listen to what I hear Source say. I was talking to him about the importance of having a deep relationship with the Creator/God when I found myself explaining to him what I had recently experienced… I began to tear up and out of my mouth came the words “I had been saved”. The weight of that hit me pretty hard (in a good way).

Being “saved” likely means many things to many people. But for me, the Creator filled my heart with a light and a love so powerful, there was no denying it. I saved me from the hell I was living in, the hell within my own heart and mind. I was saved from suffering.

I actually can hear the Creator speak to me. All of us can… but forgot how to listen.

I use this gift to help others. I never realized I wasn’t letting the Light into my own heart for myself. My husband told me a few days ago that he prayed that my heart would one day allow it. My own husband was praying for me. Turns out several people were.

The human heart and mind are the place where the shadows become the initiators into the Light.

Where pain transmutes into power.

Where wounds become wisdom.

Where heartbreak becomes higher purpose.

Once the initiation has begun, knowledge and wisdom come from Source.

You see who you really are and how you are truly loved.

Your old conditioning dies.

The mind expands.

Perception shifts.

You stop seeking love. You embody it.

You stop seeking purpose. You become it.

My deciding to share this story is because I want this same miracle for every one of you reading this. I want you to feel your hearts change. I want each and every one of you to feel the lifting of suffering. And I want you to know how to let this kind of healing in… by building our relationship with the Creator/God (or whatever you choose to call it… it is all the same Source).

My goal in sharing this is for you to know miracles do occur if our hearts allow it.

But we need to work on it.

Religion has a bad wrap and I get it. It's been people who called themselves Christians who have done some of the most despicable crap to me personally, and it destroyed my faith. Regardless of what you choose to call it, the relationship you have with that Higher Power is the most important relationship you can have. And just like every other relationship, it requires daily work. Not just when we are hurting. Not just when we need something.

Talk to God about everything. The Creator does not judge you.

It only wants your heart to come back Home.

With so much Love to you all

Sincerely,

Becky Costello

Spiritual Life Coach

Dancing Elk Shamanic Healing