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To Love One's Self


Ponder this for a moment…

How many of you feel you have to "heal this", or "fix that" in order to love yourself?

I am guessing there’s a good chunk of people out there who feel that way.


Perhaps you feel you are not good enough unless A, B, C and D were in place. Perhaps you have felt you had to fix or change something about you in order to be worthy of being loved.


The act of loving one’s self starts with loving yourself right where you are… in all of your beautiful, fucked- up glory.


You do not need to work on yourself to love yourself. However, working on yourself can lead to a better understanding of yourself. This then gives way to more understanding of others and being able to have a more compassionate heart.

We think we are tore up from the floor up if we are sad, afraid, angry or anxious.

We try to fix our bodies, fix our faces or be like other people.

Our ego and society tell us what is “perfect”. Has anyone bothered to look at how jacked up society and the media are? Are we really buying into that shit? Yep. We are. Slap yourself please!


We fail to honor who we are right now and love that version of ourselves staring back at us in the mirror. It does not make a bit of difference how messed up you are. You are worthy of love. And so is everyone else… EVERYONE. If you look around everyone is failing at loving the whole, the entirety of Humanity right now. Where there is an inkling of judgement, there is a lack of love. We fail to understand love flows at all times, not only under certain conditions.


Sadly, many are left with this feeling of not being good enough or worthy of love because of trauma that often occurs from childhood. Catch yourself, and I bet you still ask yourself “What must I do to earn their affection or love”? “What do I need to change about me”?? This then turns on you and you feel you have to be a certain way or feel a certain way in order to be loved. So we stuff our emotions, keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves and find destructive ways to keep the insecurity and pain at bay. Or your perfectionism eats away at you and when you suffer, you feel this is your form of punishment for not being “worthy”.

Self-love is a right and a responsibility. It is not earned. If you count on others to reflect your value, you better prepare to get knocked down, because you just gave your power away to someone to rip out the rug out from underneath you at any time they choose. And we wonder why we are insecure?

Self-love is a power, an energy that radiates outward from deep within you. Its power is generated from connectedness with multiple aspects of self, even the ugly parts, the mean parts, and the broken parts. This opens your heart, making you more compassionate. When you acknowledge your aspects, you have a better understanding of others and do not judge them, but rather, you understand.

There are many who put others first and sacrifice themselves in the process. This is NOT divine love or compassion, it is martyrdom, rooted in a lack of self-love. You may be bothered by this statement, but it is truth.


Judging yourself, where you are or how messed up you are or how much “work” you have to do is not Love. It is the Ego judging you… YOU are judging you! Knock that shit off!


You do not need to fix yourself to love yourself.

You do not need to bully yourself or talk negatively about yourself to be “accountable”.

Better choices are made when we love ourselves instead of condemning ourselves.

Punishment and deprivation do nothing to honor or love yourself.


You are not the sum of your highs.

You are not the sum of your lows.


To love your self heals the betrayal, and breaches of trust and disrespect we have endured.

It heals our pain.

It restores our faith.


It starts with acknowledgement of where we are in any given moment… in the “right now” place.

Then we need to accept that this is where we are in our Now moment.

Then we must send a loving embrace and extend understanding to that part of ourselves we recognize in that moment.


Self-love is not an option anymore, it is a necessity.

It is a human need.



With Love and Light,

Rebecca Costello, Psychic Medium

Dancing Elk Shamanic Healing

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