What Does It Mean to Forgive?

Forgiveness is not some holy sentiment.

It is not an easy practice.

It is a powerful force of destruction.

It destroys anger.

It destroys misunderstandings.

It destroys being held hostage by your own emotions.

It destroys being trapped in the past.

What lies unforgiven embeds deep in our psyche and unconsciously interferes with our ability to manifest what we want and need in life….  materially, mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. It blocks access to our special powers and abilities. Other people are not blocks. A lack of forgiveness often is.

It traps us like a spider web in the energy of that time… meaning, we literally become trapped by the past.

Today I had a lesson in this.

A few years ago, I did a reading for someone, and the last 10 minutes didn’t go well when another person joined the session. The energy changed dramatically. And at the end, they didn’t realize they were still in the session, when they began saying bad things about me. And it really hurt because I really liked this client. When people say things, you stop to ask yourself if you did something wrong. But in this case, I had experienced a case where my soul didn’t want to work with someone. It was the 2nd time in 20 years this happened. Can I read everyone? Nope. The reason? Resistance in the heart AND soul levels.

I learned that day how I read and that I read in a way where I look to see all of who you are. Your heart must be open. You can be skeptical, but it won’t close your heart. But when you are resistant, it’s like trying to gather data on a full scene while only being able to see through a crack. It doesn’t work. It’s like trying to float air through a steel wall.

And then this client scheduled again. I didn’t understand why when they said “the session was terrible” and I “got nothing right”. And I kept replaying those words in my head and replaying how I became very insecure in my abilities. But the fact is, I wouldn’t have reacted if there wasn’t a part of me who believed what they said when they didn’t know I was listening. But I have a history of triggers with “mean girl” shit, and it makes me mental. Cue the healing!

I became aware of my own unforgiven hurt when I felt like I wanted to cancel this session. I wanted to protect myself. I am by nature a “take no shit” person and I don’t feel like I owe anyone anything other than respect. I do acknowledge I have a hard time letting go when people hurt me just for the sake of doing so.

I himmed and hawed about what to do. My human self just wanted to cancel the client because of the earlier bullshit. I sure the hell didn’t owe this client anything. And I will not lie, I don’t mind playing the role of karma sometimes.

But my spirit is much wiser and forgiving than my human self who still battles with her ego. And this wiser self recognized ahead of time that this client was deeply hurting and in trouble. So, I didn’t cancel the session.

And I got to learn a little bit more about forgiveness (my husband helped a little).

Forgiveness isn’t something you just willfully do. It’s a process, and one must have a lot of courage to do it.

But if we don’t have this courage willfully, life has a tendency to beat the shit out of us in an attempt to try and give us a clue.

The first step in forgiveness is looking at what judgements we ourselves have cast against others and what shitty deeds we have done for our own personal gain or to make us feel better. It is very difficult to have that kind of honesty with one’s self. There have been times I have talked shit. We all have. We need to own our own shortcomings and put our egos down.

Secondly, we need to ask ourselves why a person may behave the way they do. But we don’t. We get stuck in the “how dare you” bullshit and become reactive instead of responsive. In comes the anger and no one hears each other.

My “reactive” is a fuck this and fuck you approach… or it used to be.

But for me, I care about what kind of person I am in this life. Do I want to deny someone who is hurting a second chance when I can feel they are hurting deeply? Because it was a work relationship, I decided I am in the healing industry and I do not want to deny someone something if they have the courage to ask for help.

I believe we all have the ability to change… if we want to.

By nature, life is change, and it is the only thing you can depend on. However, to not deep dive into our wounds and release them (forgiveness), we become a fixed object, subject to the winds of time that will whip you raw. You find yourself lost because you cannot understand the repeated pain/patterns.

Forgiveness is the path to finding your truth. It is how we find peace inside.

It is the path to strength, not anger. Anger makes you weak.

You cannot have a productive conversation if there is anger. Anger turns feelings into attack. Get to the real shit.

We all have a right to share our feelings.

Anger keeps us from listening.

Anger makes us defensive.

You got something to say? Then share your hurt and sadness, not the anger.

Anger is only there as a cover.

It doesn’t protect you…. it destroys you. Your life and everything in it.

Anger burns bridges, and you cannot guarantee they will ever be rebuilt.

Learn to look in the cosmic mirror. It is the gateway to change.

Learning to listen minimizes the casualties.

You want to change things in life?

Share your hurt and sadness instead of anger.

And don’t forget to forgive yourself too.

With Love and Light

Becky Costello, Psychic Medium