I’m not gonna lie, August was an ass kicker for many. It showed us we don’t have the faith we thought we had. And for some, there was some major wake-up calls on the docket. I was one of those people.
The last month was rough for me personally, from a health perspective and personal life perspective. Part of my body quit working due to stress. And on Monday Aug 30th, I was awoken at 1am by my doorbell ringing… however, my husband was still asleep, so I knew the doorbell I heard was for me alone.
That doorbell felt like a warning… and with what I was going through at the time, it scared the living shit out of me. You see, I had a CT scan a few days prior, and it showed a concerning lesion, which required a follow up bone scan. For those of you who have gone through the cancer scare, holy shit, do I give you all some serious kudos. That shit sucks. Deep down I knew I would be ok (bone scan was clear), but still, it sucks having that hanging over your head.
The Wake-Up Call:
What shocked me was my disappointment when it came back clear. I couldn’t wrap my head around that sensation of disappointment in a good result!! I repeated to my self numerous times “What the hell is wrong with me”??? I sat with it for a few days until the answer became clear. What I had been feeling was a massive amount of sorrow and fear. I had it all planned out. If it was cancer, there would be a plan. I would fight. I know how to fight and frankly, I am good at it. If there is a problem, I am tough as nails. But what became alarmingly clear was the disappointment I was feeling was because I knew what to do with cancer, but I don’t know what to do with this sorrow and fear. The fear was centering around loss, specifically of my husband after a terrifying event that happened back in February, and the depth of how much that screwed me up became glaringly evident. But I still had no clue what to do with all of this. And my child leaving for the military I also came to realize I have not yet accepted he is no longer a child and I struggle with his absence daily. My biggest fear is the loss of a child, and if something happened to him, I cannot just get there in a matter of minutes… it would take several hours at a minimum if he's in this country. If he's out of country... well, I cannot entertain that right now. It leaves me feeling powerless.
I sat down early yesterday morning in my office/meditation room, drew the curtains closed and tried to calm the mind. I got distracted so I started looking up ocean art online as I am bound and determined to figure out how to do resin ocean art because I love the beauty in it. In one of those videos, there was ocean wave sounds. I felt my body begin to calm. I put the video on pause for a moment just to feel the waves I heard move through my body.
Have you ever been to the ocean? Can you feel within your being how it affects your heart, your mind, and your body? For me, it is one of the few places where I can feel completely at peace… when people aren’t around.
The ocean resin art that I was captivated by were the ones with dark beaches and dark waters. I find beauty in what is mysterious. I was finally calming myself enough to channel a message.
“Beauty in the dark waters of the ocean rock you into a place of calm, much like a mother rocking a child to comfort them, or baby being within the womb of its mother”.
I couldn’t argue with that.
“Ocean waves coax away the anxiety of feeling, gently revealing the sorrow which lies within”.
Oddly, I understand what this means. It strips away the anxiety which blocks you from really feeling. It places you into a state of simply allowing yourself to be with whatever is in there, without resisting it.
“The waves of the ocean create clearing, support and safety, allowing you to feel what is deep within you, without you wanting to hide from it or push it down. It holds you in a state of being safe to feel”.
“As you stand there, where the ocean meets the sand, feel what lies within and know the waves of great Mother Earth are there to hold you, to calm you and to carry away the pain”.
This experience allowed me to understand what happens to the body when you don’t allow yourself to feel. When you accept certain emotions but run from others. My wake-up call was how terrified I am to feel yet another loss that the fear of it stops me dead in my tracks.
New Moon, New Seeds:
Also to note is the New Moon in Virgo we had yesterday/today. During times of the new moon, the waves of the ocean are much softer and gentle. This moon can help is to bring order out of the chaos we have been living in. It will gently cleanse us and clear us in a practical way. We can also step outside of our own thoughts and feelings to be able to understand what is really happening within our being and also in the world at large.
This is the time of the moon cycle where we plant seeds. As you are spending time in it’s gentle energy, allow yourself to be with whatever is coming through you. Allow yourself to feel, and go deep within yourself to understand it. This is not the time for putting what you feel onto others, for what we feel is ours and our alone. Allowance of feelings is the first step in the healing process, acceptance is the second.
If you find yourself stressed, pop online and listen to the sound of ocean waves. Gaia’s magic is strong, and simply the sound of her rocking waves will lull you into calm.
Rebecca Costello, Psychic Medium